Thursday, February 27, 2014

While meeting with the mirror this morning... creative brain presented an image to involves the words: garden, gardener, planted seeds, growing process, different blooming seasons and the question from life to me - do i enjoy to create and care for my inner garden or not? Do i grow those plants with love even the 'plant' struggles or is a slow grower? Do i listen closely what those plants share with me, do i still live fully, seeing the beauty beside, in front, behind my garden,while taking care of my garden? Can i trust to let them be after care, with their inborn potential to grow in their time and space, just provide them a good ground, nuture essential care and the rest is up to life? Ha! Sure! Yes! And living the beauty of my life in between....and since i see when one 'plant' needs care i can take action. And those planted seeds are those balls on the creative-solution-finding-brain presented me an image to live even in the midst of a lot of unknown factors, fullfilled and in joy. Because nature is my calm harbor, it delights me to see how it grows, even with not knowing....all or none, lol....and how the growing process goes along....smiles good morning. Lol...i busted free again yes, transforming inner heaviness into beautiful being lightness, ey! Images later...when laptop is in gear ;)
May we have a fullfilled day, smiles, Anke :)

Ah....driving my son to school and listening to Bastille while driving was pur delight. Spreading my arms wide...authentic strength fully maintained, ey! Feels freeing fullfillung GOOD! Yep! Catch for energy :)))) later....doc first...see you in between all today...ey! child, just hanging in there...ey! Okay, now muffins for school tomortow, reading mom and after some fun for cute wild monkey no. 2, since she had a surprised off day from school. See ya around, ey....busy and enjoying the little nows....smiles :)
Evaporating fog....smirk....seeing clearly again has two meanings today, lol...goofy-silly me, ey! And yes i am loving my nows....being in it, no matter what, ey! 'Piratess-determined' feel like laughing freely today and you? Joining me? Yes! Oh....delight!!!!! :))))

Rueckzugsraum nicht mehr noetig....dankbar fuer den inneren Raum....und jetzt wieder leben! Ganz.......innere Herausforderung geklaert :)

Chaos....wild kid, sick kid, and the rest...and life...thank you, more later....reaction was there already but not response so i just will release....silence is not there...yet....yep...inside and outside....smiles....fractions of seconds....faster over than realized....ey. Now not!

Clear response: off balance...yup...just like that...oh well...finding my way back...smirk...yep, i reached the point where i can see it from the humorous point of view...observing inner position...

So, how about some gardening photos? PS: Dear life....I feel like you poke me to learn something, I do not really 'get' it yet.....being pushed....ey.....mumble grumble....LOL.....yeah yeah was that with surrender? LOL...I am surrender today. Too tired right now....lack of deep sleep is showing up in too tired to fight for or against or put up resistence. ....sigh...hanging in there...LOL...yep not just me....maybe SOME food in the belly will give some more energy again. See you around.....creating BEING space.....on my 'off' day...wonder if I fit in some space for me today, somehow...will see......will see....Enjoy your afternoon :)
Respones part two: Whatever life presents in a now, it is up to me, to choose if it is part of my fullfilled living or not. And a lot of times asking why, would push you into spinning faster than thought, how to deal with it?Just letting it be...observering position, not creation position ( I lived this already more than enough and wall running is no fun after a while ;))  so...just observing....especially not knowing what the sense is or could be....right away for nows to happen, for aligning, crossing paths......and in the end I am only left those two essential choices: Accept gratefully or resist. So what I am choosing? Grateful accepting. Even my reaction inside was quite a challenge, LOL....and for the first time I just was being with it after...letting the waves of 'all kind of thoughts' ebb down and wait for the silence again....hhmmm...interesting...this trainings ground, just emerging like THAT, PAFF! Sure amazes me everytime and honestly it is probably better that way, why? Because otherways, if you be given the choice to enter into such nows voluntarily, would you choose it? or rather prevent? Because it can cause uncomfortness, due to mirrored issues, and your  inability to respond in the way you planned too, because it seems like in certain nows....something inside overpowers you, and takes the lead, LOL...BEING, the CORE inside...essentials..... and that is when the potential to run away is there, to prevent the uncomfortness..because you feel powerless ego-wise...and still, it is just a different STRENGTH you live in those nows, authentic strength and that is lived intuitively and it needs a lot of trust and courage to live that state......hhhmmmmm......and even running away is not an option for me anymore, my growing authentic strength is still challenged in those nows.....TEST POINTS, stay in that now and endure the tension inside. And in those nows,  I am not trying to get my right or wrong or confirmation or is about my own inner growing, that is all about and of course sharing experience on the same level of understanding is delight.....because unnecessary words are not needed. 
So, it is a training ground in letting the first reactions ebb down to find the real response from deep inside....not clouded by old expierences or happenings or inner fear pokings....just being with this WAVE of trying to keep the control, LOL..which I do not have anyway over lifes nows emerging.....letting the the illusion of control go...or thinking I have the control over nows, the only control I have is over myself and therefore I need to be trained deeply to stay in my core, in my deep inside, be connected and observer what is going on....and maybe when this 'lesson' is learned.....the way of 'silent repsonses' can be lived more is trusting that the response will come, it is trusting that you can just be, before you react and wait for the response....and sometimes the response is right away there and sometimes not, and my intuition pokes with this: When I am alone in a now or divertered by company is huge difference..... 

Uh wow I am tired....mumble grumble....another virus attack on my system??? Who knows.....oh well...surrender...SURRENDER!!!!!
Sigh....see you....around, ey! a little later....

PHEW...more silence here....two wild monkeys on the I am taking a NAP...YEP. Just because I CAN! EY! See you after....power nap or however they are called, LOL....smirk...EY!

Oh! What a delight giving myself the luxury to lay down..complain from cute wild sick monkey, i have enough! Who is boss here? Lol...yep....not always mama ;) How is your afternoon?

'Flotti, mama...genug geschlafen.....'

When mama rests it is strange for the kids, lol.

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